No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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