dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
