I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
