she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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