I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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