Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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