The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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