My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
