I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
