I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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