yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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