grandma shit on top of the toilet
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
