Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
