shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
