If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
