i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
As shirtless as possible
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
