I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
