He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A bitchslap is in order.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
