next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
