Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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