But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
