we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
