youre lurking in front of me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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