Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize