he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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