My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
