I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
