He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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