Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
