we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
