Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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