Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
