Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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