Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
