Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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