Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
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Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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