final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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