I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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