Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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