My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Randomize
