Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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