Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My bed smells like the plague
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
