That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
