It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
