He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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