Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
