I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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