So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
