life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
