so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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