Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
A+ Viking dick
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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