it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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