I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
