I met the friendliest cop last night
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
