My hand turned me down
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
