i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
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So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome