Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....