He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Come share oat with me in your robe
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
