So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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