Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
