I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
