Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
