i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize