She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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