Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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