I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
