I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
