My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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