8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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