fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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