Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
