I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
