you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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