lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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