Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize