I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
