if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
