I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
