Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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