Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
