I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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